I believe that living a fulfilled life is largely a matter of choice.  Now before you tear the article up or switch off the computer I ask you to hear me out.  How many of you aspire to having a truly fulfilled life?  I expect that the vast majority of you would want a life which offered them an ongoing sense of satisfaction and happiness. 

I find it really interesting that most people I speak to or read about are waiting for something even better to come their way so that then true fulfilment will be theirs.  They present it in so many different ways the list below is a tiny example of the conditions people put in the way of feeling truly fulfilled in the here and now.

When things get back to the way they were when I was young, slim, fit, wealthy, carefree etc. 

When I have the perfect relationship, job, family, bank balance, figure, house etc.

When other people see how good, clever, helpful, talented etc I am.

When I reach my target, complete the course, become something else etc.

Fulfilment is a state of mind.  I believe it needs to be tackled at three levels.

Firstly being fulfilled is about learning to love who you are now, warts and wobbly bits too.  So many of us feel we are not good enough.  Early experiences have installed beliefs which are limiting.  These can be based on a remark offered for the best of motives but leave a legacy of self doubt and anxiety.   The problem is that we then begin to interpret everything within our experience through that belief.  It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. 

Loving yourself for who you are is not about being complacent. Far from it, holding oneself accountable to be the best one can be is vital.  Being the best you can be is far more about looking for the learning when we make a mistake so we don’t make the same mistake again rather than beating ourselves up because we failed to get it right.  So if you get something wrong admit the mistake, take the learning from it and move on. 

This leads on nicely to the second level of fulfilment which is all about learning.  Learning is about being curious about the world and how it works.  Learning from others present and past, being open to the possibilities which present themselves and the learning which those possibilities offer.  Learning is also about using the experience of failing and when things go wrong to inform us how we might do things better.  The fulfilment comes form being determined to use the learning in the future.  Success is built on adjusting and learning from previous failures. Reflecting on personal growth is a huge source of fulfilment.

The third level of fulfilment is all about contribution to others.  I think there needs to be a distinction between when doing things for others is the way you get your sense of self worth and contribution from a sense of who you are.  Those who gain their sense of who they are only through what they do for others are likely to find limited fulfilment until they learn that being them is enough to feel of value.

 It is where giving is done selflessly with no wish for personal gain that there is the potential for the greatest fulfilment.  Try making random acts of kindness to complete strangers, where there is no sense of needing acknowledgement, giving anonymously or contributing where the only motive is to contribute with no thought of any return.  Watching the outcome from such an action can be incredibly fulfilling. 

How ever trite it may seem you can choose to find fulfilment in ordinary every day life as everything has the potential to be extraordinary.  From the moment you open your eyes you make a choice conscious or other wise to notice (or not) the wonder of each moment.  It is your choice to remain in a loveless relationship or a job you hate to change them or find away to find love or satisfaction within the initial situation. 

Plan your life to achieve fulfilment.  Take time to notice all the little things which nurture your spirit and plan to tackle anything in your life which gets in the way of your living your life to the full.  Take control by choosing to choose how you live your life rather than being a victim to circumstance.

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